I felt like the walls were caving in. Every counter was covered in piles, toys are scattered all over the floor, I couldn’t find anything I needed, and was that smell coming from the fridge or the diaper pail? Instead of tackling the problems, I found myself walking in circles. My entire family seemed on edge, and it was no wonder.
We live in a culture that is constantly looking for more, bigger, and better. The more stuff we have the happier we will be… right? Bonus points if it is bigger and better than before! The problem was, we found ourselves drowning in stuff. This definitely wasn’t the happy life I wanted to have.
When I was growing up, we didn’t have everything we wanted but we had more than enough toys. Most of which sat in the basement or in our playhouse collecting dust. We had our favorites, and certainly a few special toys that I have fond memories of.
When we brought our child home, we learned quickly just how much stuff came with a baby. We didn’t have a lot of advance notice before we brought our son home (ahem, 2 days), so we didn’t have time for a baby shower, and there was definitely not time to let my “nesting” capabilities run rampant. In adoption, we were very aware that we could get a call that it was time, and suddenly have a baby to take care of, so we were prepared. We had a few outfits, a place for him to sleep, and bottles. The necessities were taken care of.
Even without 9 months to prepare for the joyous moment of bringing our son home, our little 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath house filled up quickly. When I started researching the effects certain toys had on children, and the effects stuff, in general, had on everyone, I made some surprising discoveries.
“Our studies show that giving children too many toys, or the wrong types, can actually be doing them harm. … In addition, with fewer toys and less overwhelm, you’re likely to see fewer meltdowns and sibling squabbles as well.”
Claire Lerner, a childhood development researcher with Zero to Three
Looking at Research on Minimalism With Children
UCLA conducted a study that showed “Managing the volume of possessions was such a crushing problem in many homes that it actually elevated levels of stress hormones for mothers.”
A study at Princeton concluded that children get overwhelmed by clutter and have difficulty focusing.
Clutter has unwelcome effects such as an increase in stress, difficulty focusing, and feelings of overwhelm. When my house is cluttered I get overwhelmed. I can’t stand stuff on every surface of the house. Piles everywhere drive me batty. The same is true for our children, although they may not be able to vocalize it.
I feel much more peaceful when there aren’t piles on every counter. I know where things are. Toys are cleaned up and put away at the end of every day.
I don’t want to spend my time managing my stuff, I would much rather spend it enjoying time with my family.
The Benefits of Minimalism With Children
In Germany, schools have taken toys out of the classrooms. Some schools have done it one day a week, some have done it for weeks at a time. The director of the school said in this report “In toy-free time, they don’t play with finished toys. They develop their own games. They play more together, so they can better develop psychosocial competencies.” Seifert lists life skills such as “understanding and liking oneself, having empathy for others, thinking creatively and critically, and being able to solve problems and overcome mistakes” as the result of the toy-free move, reiterating that the sooner children learn these skills, the better off they will be in the long run.”
That makes a lot of sense. Having fewer toys allowed children to focus longer, use their imagination more, and be more creative. When children have fewer toys, they develop longer attention spans, how to become resourceful, how to work with others, stronger social skills, how to take care of what they have, and most of all, satisfaction outside of the toy store.
Putting Minimalism into Practice…
Don’t throw out all of your child’s toys while they are away at school. That could be traumatic…for years to come. I don’t want my children to tell the story for the rest of their lives when “one day I came home, and my toys were gone!”
What may work better is inviting them into the process. First, let them watch you clean out your things. Have them help you purge your kitchen or living room. Explain to them that we don’t need to keep things we don’t use, but it would be better to give them to someone who can use them.
Next, discuss your reasons for needing to clean out some toys. Maybe they have too many toys and don’t play with half of them. It could be that you want to practice generosity and bless others, donate them to a non-profit organization that will give them to children who don’t have as many. There are several foster closets popping up around us, and there is even an organization that allows families who have recently had a house fire, loss of a job, or anyone who needs items, to come shop for free. There are many ways to use minimalism to practice generosity.
Be sure to let them make the decisions. Toys belong to them, and empowering them to make these decisions will be life-changing for them.
This Can Get A Little Hairy….
Birthdays and Christmas are big times of the year when we invite more stuff into our house. I have gotten into the habit of asking for experiences, memberships, and even contributions to a college savings account.
When my son was a baby and didn’t know any better, the contribution to a college savings account was perfect. He didn’t feel like he was missing out on toys, and the money still has many years to grow.
As he’s getting older, he loves to go on dates with family, and last year he got a membership to the zoo so we were able to go to the zoo as often as we wanted when otherwise we wouldn’t have gone as much.
These special times of the year can get tricky-friends and family love to show love through gifts. Gift-giving is a love language! Kindly explain to your family your view on “more stuff.” Ask for experiences, memberships, dates for your child, or subscription boxes instead.
Minimalism with Kids is Possible…
Minimalism is many different things to many different people. To me, minimalism doesn’t mean I can only have 2 sets of dishes, 7 outfits, and a maximum of 10 books. I watched what my son played with most, and cleaned out the toys that were sitting around collecting dust.
Keep the toys that promote the most imagination. Toys that encourage building, creating, discovering…toys that have endless opportunities for play are the ones you want to have around your house.
I’m excited to watch my son use his creativity, focus, and imagination more. I want him to think outside of the box and problem solve. With too many toys surrounding him all of the time, he doesn’t have the need or opportunity to learn these skills.
Here’s to less time cleaning up toys, and more time connecting with your kids!
Want More?
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Screen-Free Kids | The Effect of Technology on Kids
Your Turn
How do you help your children with purging and generosity?
